dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
