that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
