In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
