well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
