He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
