I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
