I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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