i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
