I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
