Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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