He uses pillows to masturbate.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
