I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
