he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
