im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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