Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
