hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
