is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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