and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
