Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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