he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
