I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just had sex bonerless
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
