i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
