I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
