actually, I'm a sock model
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
