I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
