Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
