I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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