You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
