there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
