Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
