I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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