I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My vagina is very pro this idea
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