You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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