so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize