You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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