Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
