how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
