tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
