remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
