So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
