i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
