My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You're like the curious george of whores
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
