That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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