HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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