Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
