I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
