Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
