My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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