i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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