Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
