I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
