dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I supernannyed him into submission
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
